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I’m posting early this week in order to get my predictions for ‘Mad Men’ season 4 out before the premiere.

So, yeah…my predictions for ‘Mad Men’ season 4…before the premiere:

Always forward-thinking, Pete hits on the idea of ‘fun’ sized candy bars, but is laughed out of the pitch by Cadbury execs. He retreats to his office and cleans his rifle.

Don nails a hot brunette.

Duck dumps Peanu…Peggy for newer model eff-buddy with bigger fins. Peggy poaches Hermès and begins a relationship with a Brooklyn College fraternity to spite him.

Don nails a hot brunette.

Don and Peanu…Roger’s rekindled friendship sets off a economic boom in the alcohol service industry and is responsible for the recovery of several foundering distilleries.

Don nails a hot brunette.

Coop’s disrupted nap schedule adversely affects his health, he suffers a heart attack and dies with his argyles on. Lane gets the Hokusai, Harry gets the Rothko, and Alice dances on his carpet in golf shoes.

Don nails a hot brunette.

Dr. Cut-up is sent to Vietnam and killed, in self-defense, by his first patient. This, coupled with Jane’s new Beatles obsession, allows Joan and Roger to, well, couple.

Did I mention the thing about Don and a hot brunette?

But it’s all-natural.

Tony Hayward’s my role model.

I’m upset because I write like Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

It was Homer Simpson panic.

You need to think outside of the boxers.

I’m being treated for Twitter addiction.

Two words. High altitude chemtrails.

I come over all vaporish when the well was capped.

It’s in the Foxfire books.

I picked the wrong week to quit huffing Reddi-Wip™.

I was distracted by the vuvuzelas!

Vive le Quatorze Juillet!

Abreuve nos sillons!

The Unfact™ is, to the best of our knowledge, completely false and unsupportable. We are not responsible for any consequences that are bound to occur if you are silly enough to believe it.

In colonial British Northwest Rhodesia-Nyasaland owning a vuvuzela was punishable by hanging until the abolishment of the death penalty in 1922.

Uaminifu, chaps!