Mala Fide dotcom

I've lost the game.

Friday, July 25, 2014

How To Not Kill Yourself

I failed to corpsify myself last Thursday. The Super Sibling Squad is smarter than me. They put together the clues, figured out which social network service I was using to schedule updates, and grabbed the addy of the hotel from what was supposed to be my final update.

Room #666

The Cheap Hotel

On the Local Name Road

Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favo(u)rite.

(My updates have an international audience.)

I also left a note in the room: “I was on Earth all along!”, blowing all my best material on my presumed death.

I was going to die on apple vodka and store brand benadryl, neither of which I will *ever* touch again. If I had been serious I would have waited out the credit check and gotten a tank of nitrogen, but I get lazy when I’m suicidal. But as the title says, I failed, praise Elvis, Bettie, and all the saints.

Dead is cold, dark, and lonely. I was never happier than when I heard a voice telling my mother that I was breathing on my own and the tube was coming out. When the light and air came back my easy-to-love mother was there. I apologized to her and cried a lot.

There’ll be a real bill to play, but until then my family is paying an emotional price for my idiocy, poor health, stress induced problems, tears, heart-break, all on my head. I’ve even managed to piss off the entire interfacebooknet. Sorry not-imaginary peeps.

Listen to Uncle Ray, kids, find someone to talk to. Unless you’re actually in hospice there’s a way home. You may feel like a giant wuss for, y’know, having ‘feelings’ and shit, but you’ll be a *live* wuss and chicks dig that ‘feelings’ shit.

And death is a cold, dark, lonely, place, and there is no way, *no way* home.

posted by latiolais at 0825  

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Joyeux Pagemas!

Her Divine Bettiness

Her Divine Bettiness
(April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008)

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I WANNA EASTAH EGG! I WANNA EASTAH EGG!

I WANNA EASTAH EGG! I WANNA EASTAH EGG!

Hoppy (sic) Easter! Watch out for zombies.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Olives is my goil, Brutisk!

Caesar: Doth not Brutus bootless kneel?

Casca: Speak, hands, for me!

Caesar: Et tu, Brute?— Then fall, Caesar!

Ohhh, Popeye!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Joyeux Cashmas!

Johnny Cash says "Hi!"

The Man In Black’s bio at CMT.

"My name is Sue! How do you do! Now you’re gonna die!"

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Friday, February 14, 2014

"I don’t even know what street Canada is on."

Happy Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre Day!

Happy Saint Valentine's Day Massacre Day!

The Chicago Typewriter is the reason for the season!

posted by latiolais at 0800  
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