Mala Fide dotcom

Good posture forgives a multitude of sins.

Friday, July 25, 2014

How To Not Kill Yourself

I failed to corpsify myself last Thursday. The Super Sibling Squad is smarter than me. They put together the clues, figured out which social network service I was using to schedule updates, and grabbed the addy of the hotel from what was supposed to be my final update.

Room #666

The Cheap Hotel

On the Local Name Road

Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favo(u)rite.

(My updates have an international audience.)

I also left a note in the room: “I was on Earth all along!”, blowing all my best material on my presumed death.

I was going to die on apple vodka and store brand benadryl, neither of which I will *ever* touch again. If I had been serious I would have waited out the credit check and gotten a tank of nitrogen, but I get lazy when I’m suicidal. But as the title says, I failed, praise Elvis, Bettie, and all the saints.

Dead is cold, dark, and lonely. I was never happier than when I heard a voice telling my mother that I was breathing on my own and the tube was coming out. When the light and air came back my easy-to-love mother was there. I apologized to her and cried a lot.

There’ll be a real bill to play, but until then my family is paying an emotional price for my idiocy, poor health, stress induced problems, tears, heart-break, all on my head. I’ve even managed to piss off the entire interfacebooknet. Sorry not-imaginary peeps.

Listen to Uncle Ray, kids, find someone to talk to. Unless you’re actually in hospice there’s a way home. You may feel like a giant wuss for, y’know, having ‘feelings’ and shit, but you’ll be a *live* wuss and chicks dig that ‘feelings’ shit.

And death is a cold, dark, lonely, place, and there is no way, *no way* home.

posted by latiolais at 0825  

Saturday, January 25, 2014

How To Not Kill Yourself

I failed to corpsify myself last Thursday. The Super Sibling Squad is smarter than me. They put together the clues, figured out which social network service I was using to schedule updates, and grabbed the addy of the hotel from what was supposed to be my final update.

Room #666

The Cheap Hotel

On the Local Name Road

Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favo(u)rite.

(My updates have an international audience.)

I also left a note in the room: “I was on Earth all along!”, blowing all my best material on my presumed death.

I was going to die on apple vodka and store brand benadryl, neither of which I will *ever* touch again. If I had been serious I would have waited out the credit check and gotten a tank of nitrogen, but I get lazy when I’m suicidal. But as the title says, I failed, praise Elvis, Bettie, and all the saints.

Dead is cold, dark, and lonely. I was never happier than when I heard a voice telling my mother that I was breathing on my own and the tube was coming out. When the light and air came back my easy-to-love mother was there. I apologized to her and cried a lot.

There’ll be a real bill to play, but until then my family is paying an emotional price for my idiocy, poor health, stress induced problems, tears, heart-break, all on my head. I’ve even managed to piss off the entire interfacebooknet. Sorry not-imaginary peeps.

Listen to Uncle Ray, kids, find someone to talk to. Unless you’re actually in hospice there’s a way home. You may feel like a giant wuss for, y’know, having ‘feelings’ and shit, but you’ll be a *live* wuss and chicks dig that ‘feelings’ shit.

And death is a cold, dark, lonely, place, and there is no way, *no way* home.

posted by latiolais at 0810  

Monday, April 1, 2013

HIATUS? THEY HARDLY KNOW US!

Still sick, but I’ll try this blogging thing again. No point in suffering alone.

By the way, your shoe is untied.

Poisson d’avril!

posted by latiolais at 1200  

Monday, April 2, 2012

Hiatus

Taking a break. Back in a couple of months.

posted by latiolais at 1700  

Monday, August 1, 2011

Innerwebz Archeology

Using the Wayback Machine I’ve resurrected the second, circa 1996, version of my original webpage, Quando Prandimus.

Try not to hurt yourself laughing.

It’s, like, totally rad, dude.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Monday, June 27, 2011

In which I duplicate effort

I’ve set up a separate blog for my writing, A Tidy, Amoral Alias. All my new work will be posted there, but I’ll link everything here on Mala Fide dotcom.

Anagramatic!

posted by latiolais at 0800  
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