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Thursday, October 31, 2002

31 OCT 02

Don’t Worry

© 2002 Ray Adam Latiolais

There was a flash and a thud like thunder and lightning, yet it hadn’t rained for days. The lights flickered. Curiouser and curiouser. But not curiouser enough to take me away from watching Justice League.

There was a really cool slithery noise the aliens made when they tried to suck Batman’s brain out. I really liked it, almost as much as the Godzilla noise. Then I realized that noise wasn’t coming from the television. It was coming from the back yard. I grabbed the shotgun (I live in Louisiana, okay?) and headed outside.

There was a smoking hole in the middle of my backyard. There was something in it that glowed an eerie phosphorescent blue. As I eased up on the hole I noticed that a trail of some kind lead from the hole to my house. I peeked over the edge of the hole. The glow emanated from an egg shaped object that lay broken open at the bottom of the hole. The trail that lead to the house was covered with something viscous that glistened in the autumn moonlight. I heard that noise again. It didn’t sound as cool as it did earlier. There was something under the house. Louisiana, remember? No basements and everything is built 2 to 3 feet off of the ground. It looked to be the size of a large dog. I don’t have a dog.

I approached the house slowly and spoke the soothing nonsense that one uses to calm animals. The shape quivered a bit. Then that noise again. The shape under the house moved with blinding speed. I caught a glimpse of a leech-like mouth and tentacles. Then one of the tentacles struck the back of my neck and pierced my skull with surgical precision.

Everything is fine now. Don’t worry. You’ll hardly feel a thing.

Mwooohahahahaaaa!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

30 OCT 02

This is a Latin translation of Jabberwocky by Lewis Caroll’s uncle, Hassard H. Dodgson, alongside the original. Both can be found at Jabberwocky Variations. Lewis Caroll was, as you all know, a pen-name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson. He created the psuedonym by reversing the order of his first and middle names, translating them into Latin, and then translating them back into English (Lutwidge = Ludovicus = Lewis; Charles = Carolus = Carroll). I did the same thing once, but I had to cheat a bit with a foray into Greek. The best result was "Rufus Basil". It’s too absurdly British to use.

Gaberbocchus

Hassard H. Dodgson

Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabure Rathi.

"Cave, Gaberbocchum moneo tibi, nate cavendum
(Unguibus ille rapit. Dentibus ille necat.)
Et fuge Jubbubum, quo non infestior ales,
Et Bandersnatcham, quae fremit usque, cave."

Ille autem gladium vorpalem cepit, et hostem
Manxonium long sedulitate petit;
Tum sub tumtummi requiescens arboris umbr
Stabat tranquillus, multa animo meditans.

Dum requiescebat meditans uffishia, monstrum
Praesens ecce! oculis cui fera flamma micat,
Ipse Gaberbocchus dumeta per horrida sifflans
Ibat, et horrendum burbuliabat iens!

Ter, quater, atque iterum cito vorpalissimus ensis
Snicsnaccans penitus viscera dissecuit.
Exanimum corpus linquens caput abstulit heros
Quocum galumphat multa, domumque redit.

"Tune Gaberbocchum potuisti, nate, necare?
Bemiscens puer! ad brachia nostra veni.
Oh! frabiusce dies! iterumque caloque calque
Laetus eo" ut chortlet chortla superba senex.

Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabure Rathi.

Jabberwocky

Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought–
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One two! One two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Rufus?

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

29 OCT 02

He’s lucky the space-time rift closed. I was about to kick his punk ass.

You want a slice, beotch?

Isn’t one of us supposed to have a goatee?

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Monday, October 28, 2002

28 OCT 02

In October of 1984 I was at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri receiving Army Basic Training. Every morning we were wakened by a large metal trash can crashing down the hallway at 0600. After a few days of that I began waking on my own at 0530 and just relaxing or reading (quite a treat) for a half hour before the cacaphony drove me from bed.

One morning late in October I woke and fell asleep again after a while. I woke again and looked at my watch; it was 0615! Quelle horreur! I had somehow slept through the trash can! I was imagining what deep shit I was in when I noticed that no one was awake but me. Then I realized that it was time change day; recruits aren’t high on the "need to know" list for anything. I relaxed into the best forty-five minutes of sleep I’ve ever had.

Then a large metal trash can came hurling down the hallway.

If I’m buried with a copy of my DD214 I can get into Valhalla.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Saturday, October 26, 2002

26-27 OCT 02

Spring forward. Fall back. Write it down so we don’t have to go through this again.

Thirty days hath the billing cycle…

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Friday, October 25, 2002

25 OCT 02

"The more human beings proceed by a plan the more effectively they may be hit by accident."

Freidrich Dürrenmat

"Plans get you into things but you got to work your way out."

Will Rogers

My plan is to go to work.

posted by latiolais at 0800  
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