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Good posture forgives a multitude of sins.

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

31 DEC 03

The Unfact™ Of The Week.

The Unfact™ is, to the best of our knowledge, completely false and unsupportable. We are not responsible for any consequences that are bound to occur if you are silly enough to believe it.

Carthaginian Phoenicians believed the turning of the year was presided over by Olanksim, the god of change, and celebrated by singing songs to appease him. This custom was adopted by the Romans and survives in European cultures today in the guise of the song "Auld Lang Syne", a mishearing of Olanksim.

Ego sterco vos non.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

30 DEC 03

Things Ray Says #50:

“It’s best to move under your own power.”

(Insert rimshot here.)

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Monday, December 22, 2003

22-28 DEC 03

Merry Christmas From The Family

Robert Earl Keen

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin’ champagne punch
And homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn’t know what to think of him
‘Til he sang Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife MaryNell
Of course he brought his new wife Kaye
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin’ while the stereo plays
Noël, Noël, The first Noël

CHORUS:
Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Mix Margaritas when the eggnog’s gone
Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can’t remember how I’m kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night
Oh Silent Night

CHORUS:
Carve the turkey turn the ballgame on
Make Bloody Marys cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop ‘n Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprite
A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Feliz Navidad.

Joyeux Christmas!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Friday, December 19, 2003

19-21 DEC 03

It’s not possible for The Managment to adequately describe the extent of its loathing for snow. Unfortunately, desiring the vile stuff this time of year is an article of faith…even in places where it never snows. To mollify the teeming masses until they are crushed into submission, The Managment presents a couple of snow related, holidayoid diversions that don’t suck too much.

The Make-a-Flake Snowflake Maker. Despite the silly name, it’s a lot of fun and has a gallery to indulge your inner artsy-crafty child.

The best snowglobe The Managment has ever seen. This is a great way to relax from the holiday madness. Mwoohahahahaaaa!

Merry Kwanzadanukahülemastivus!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Thursday, December 18, 2003

18 DEC 03

From Merriam-Webster.

Amphibology

Pronunciation: “am(p)-f&-‘bä-l&-jE

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural –gies

Etymology: Middle English amphibologie, from Late Latin amphibologia, alteration of Latin amphibolia, from Greek, from amphibolos

Date: 14th century

: a sentence or phrase (as “nothing is good enough for you”) susceptible of more than one interpretation

The waitress wasn’t very good.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

17 DEC 03

The Unfact™ Of The Week.

The Unfact™ is, to the best of our knowledge, completely false and unsupportable. We are not responsible for any consequences that are bound to occur if you are silly enough to believe it.

The Northwest Alabama Synod of the Southern Baptist Church considers juggling to be a form of dancing and thus forbids it. The ban extends to most ball sports but slow pitch softball has been granted special dispensation.

Hannagawd, y’all.

posted by latiolais at 0800  
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