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Things Ray Says #49:

"Never eat a gumbo that hasn’t been prepared by a relative."

(Insert rimshot here.)

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one."

Voltaire

C’est Lundi, vous-autres. Essai et sembler occupés.

I haven’t been wearing my Utilikilt lately because I’ve been fat. With a daily walk and a lot of protein I’ve managed to shed a few pounds and an inch or so of waist. After a few months of work I can fit into the kilt again. On Wednesday I did just that.

Since I hadn’t kilted in a while, I rehearsed my old comebacks and created a few new ones.

“What are you wearing under that?”

• "Boots."
• "Cargo straps to keep everything in place."
• "For $500 you can find out for yourself."
• (For rilly hawt chix only) "Reach on in, kitten."

It was a very cold day.

“Aren’t you cold in that?”

• "I prefer to think of it as 'stoic'."
• "No. My gigantic package puts out a tremendous amount of heat."

The kilt and I had a lot of fun when an ergonomic assessor (no, really) came to the library to evaluate our manager’s desk. This singularly unattractive woman would look me up and down in horrified amazement every time she saw me (if I hadn’t been wearing the kilt she’d have been even more horrifically amazed…ba-dump). Before she left the library we had an interesting exchange.

Unattractive Ergonomic Assessor Chick: "Can I ask you…"

Manly, Kilted Evil Ray: "Sure."

UEAC: "Is that Scottish?"

MKER: "It’s a kilt."

UEAC: "Are you into Scottish things?"

MKER: "Not really. I just wore a kilt today."

UEAC: "But why?"

MKER: "Well I can’t just run around naked."

UEAC: "I don’t understand."

MKER: "I simply wore a kilt today. That’s all."

UEAC: (Walking rapidly away from the strange man) "I guess it’s where I’m from. I’m from Suburbia. I’m really sorry to have bothered you. I guess I shouldn’t have asked…" (crazy woman talk fades as she heads back to this “Suburbia”)

The Evil Ray Effect must have kicked in and scared the Betty Crocker out of her. Shocking people isn’t my goal, it’s just a bonus.

No, I’m not Scottish. I’m Cajun. We eat scarier things.

From Handy Latin Phrases (The Original).

Ita erat quando hic adveni. – It was that way when I got here.

Ego renuo purgo is.

The Unfact™ Of The Week.

The Unfact™ is, to the best of our knowledge, completely false and unsupportable. We are not responsible for any consequences that are bound to occur if you are silly enough to believe it.

In 1897 British Columbia held a referendum to decide if it would join the Canadian federation or the American union. BC missed being an American state by 36 votes.

C’est vrai, eh!

Things Ray Says #48:

“Using a computer without an internet connection is like idling a car in a garge while listening to the 8-track.”

(Insert rimshot here.)