Mala Fide dotcom

It’s not humor, it’s satire. It’s only funny on accident.

Friday, February 14, 2003

14 FEB 03

I don’t like to give my name to people I’ve just met because too many of them overuse it in a forced attempt to create a bond between us. These people seem to have mistaken "friendly" for "polite". It makes me feel as if they’re trying to sucker me in and sell me something and quite often they are. I’ve taken my great-grandfather’s advice and started lying.

In, let’s call them "official", official situations (work, doctor’s appointments, dealing with the police, et alia) I do give my name when asked, but otherwise I just make something up. The names of the characters from South Park (Stan, Kyle, Eric, Kenny) are good because they’re fairly generic without being obvious about it.

I do this most often at cafés because my espresso habit forces me to visit them daily. I choose a name before I enter and give it to the barrista at the register when prompted. They take names to make sure we get the proper orders and they want to be friendly about it. Taking a number would be too impersonal.

Very often I’ll be misheard. Over the last week I’ve used "Stan" in two different Starbucks but been (copiously) addressed as "Dan" in both. "Aaron" was taken as "Dana", "Stu" was heard as "Steve", and "Oscar" as "Michael". Some barristas recognize me and call me by a name I gave them months ago. At the Starbucks attached to the local B&N I’m "Carl".

Of course all of this could be avoided if everyone just addressed me as "Sir".

"They call me MISTER Tibbs!"

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Thursday, February 13, 2003

13 FEB 03

I neglected to thank the source of yesterday’s post, my favorite nephew Mediakill (he’s the only nephew Mediakill). He used the "Hastur the Unspeakable" bit in one of his excellent James The Bored Guy stories. If the JTBG series is ever electrified, I’ll be happy to give the archive a home on Mala Fide dotcom. Hint, hint. – The Management

From the Rap Dictionary.

Props

(n) An abbreviation of “propers” or proper respects. A show sits on physical and non-physical props. At an award ceremony the winner gives props: “And I would like to thank…”.

And I wanna give a shout out to all my peeps back in the 337, yo…

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

12 FEB 03

Pointless Lovecraft observation: Can Hastur the Unspeakable say his own name?

Cthulhu ftang!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

11 FEB 03

Things Ray Says #05:

"I said ‘No’, not ‘Tell me more about it’."

(Insert rimshot here.)

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Monday, February 10, 2003

10 FEB 03

"A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."

Joseph Conrad

Happy Mondaying.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Saturday, February 8, 2003

08-09 FEB 03

Civilization has come to disgust me. I shall eschew its effete trappings and become a barbarian. This will involve referring to myself in third person and avoiding contractions. And maybe a kilt.

Ray will not rest until he has taken his revenge upon the Tamarilites for the destruction of his clan.

posted by latiolais at 0800  
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