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La drôlerie prétentieuse ne cesse jamais.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

16 DEC 03

Things Ray Says #49:

"Never eat a gumbo that hasn’t been prepared by a relative."

(Insert rimshot here.)

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Monday, December 15, 2003

15 DEC 03

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one."


C’est Lundi, vous-autres. Essai et sembler occupés.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Friday, December 12, 2003

12-14 DEC 03

I haven’t been wearing my Utilikilt lately because I’ve been fat. With a daily walk and a lot of protein I’ve managed to shed a few pounds and an inch or so of waist. After a few months of work I can fit into the kilt again. On Wednesday I did just that.

Since I hadn’t kilted in a while, I rehearsed my old comebacks and created a few new ones.

“What are you wearing under that?”

  • "Boots."
  • "Cargo straps to keep everything in place."
  • "For $500 you can find out for yourself."
  • (For rilly hawt chix only) "Reach on in, kitten."

It was a very cold day.

“Aren’t you cold in that?”

  • "I prefer to think of it as 'stoic'."
  • "No. My gigantic package puts out a tremendous amount of heat."

The kilt and I had a lot of fun when an ergonomic assessor (no, really) came to the library to evaluate our manager’s desk. This singularly unattractive woman would look me up and down in horrified amazement every time she saw me (if I hadn’t been wearing the kilt she’d have been even more horrifically amazed…ba-dump). Before she left the library we had an interesting exchange.

Unattractive Ergonomic Assessor Chick: "Can I ask you…"

Manly, Kilted Evil Ray: "Sure."

UEAC: "Is that Scottish?"

MKER: "It’s a kilt."

UEAC: "Are you into Scottish things?"

MKER: "Not really. I just wore a kilt today."

UEAC: "But why?"

MKER: "Well I can’t just run around naked."

UEAC: "I don’t understand."

MKER: "I simply wore a kilt today. That’s all."

UEAC: (Walking rapidly away from the strange man) "I guess it’s where I’m from. I’m from Suburbia. I’m really sorry to have bothered you. I guess I shouldn’t have asked…" (crazy woman talk fades as she heads back to this “Suburbia”)

The Evil Ray Effect must have kicked in and scared the Betty Crocker out of her. Shocking people isn’t my goal, it’s just a bonus.

No, I’m not Scottish. I’m Cajun. We eat scarier things.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Thursday, December 11, 2003

11 DEC 03

From Handy Latin Phrases (The Original).

Ita erat quando hic adveni. – It was that way when I got here.

Ego renuo purgo is.

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

10 DEC 03

The Unfact™ Of The Week.

The Unfact™ is, to the best of our knowledge, completely false and unsupportable. We are not responsible for any consequences that are bound to occur if you are silly enough to believe it.

In 1897 British Columbia held a referendum to decide if it would join the Canadian federation or the American union. BC missed being an American state by 36 votes.

C’est vrai, eh!

posted by latiolais at 0800  

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

09 DEC 03 PM

Things Ray Says #48:

“Using a computer without an internet connection is like idling a car in a garge while listening to the 8-track.”

(Insert rimshot here.)

posted by latiolais at 1700  
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